Dear Young Me,
You have some rough years ahead of you, you’re going to experience things you will know that no one should ever have to experience. While some things will lead to a longer, hard recovery, please remember each of these things will change your path and lead you right where you need to be.
I give you credit for everything you’re going to go through; however, I won’t let you play the victim, you’re stronger than that.
There are going to be days where you eat lunch alohiohiohne, days where you’re bullied in public until you’re made to cry, days where you crave self-mutilation, and days where you can’t do your homework because it just doesn’t seem as important when you’re contemplating suicide.
Shortly after, things will take an unexpected turn, where you’re no longer allowed to return to school. You’ll finish high school online, alone.
Once you’ve graduated high school you’ll be thrown into this world of fast moving adults who know what they’re doing. You’ll be alone again, but this time you’ll be able to look around, stop and observe.
You will cry yourself to sleep for many birthdays, not sure how you will wake up the next morning, obtaining higher expectations from the world with each trip you’ve taken around the sun.
Do me a favor
Write down a list of all the things that are wrong and bothering you in your life. Go to your closet with a bag, and place one piece of clothing in your bag(s) for each thing on your list. You must carry these bags all day with you, no matter where you travel. This will get very heavy, very quickly. At the end of the day take a minute to reflect on how you felt, dragging all these things through each building you entered, all the sidewalks you’ve walked on. Do your arms hurt? Are you tired? Empty your bag and rid the clothes in it you feel you no longer need.
This will act as the physical version of what you carry around mentally; daily. Please remember to clean house as frequently as you need, as these weights will hold you from your dreams if you don’t.
You’re going to be too hard on yourself, and that is okay; but please do not to lose sleep over what may not matter tomorrow.
Do your best
To wake up each morning with a smile, there are many days ahead worth living. You’ll have many privileges others may not, such as feeling sunshine on your shoulders, walking in the rain, laughing so hard it hurts, but most of all you will have the privilege to be present in each moment.
I know you don’t believe me when I say this, but just around the corner there is a day where all of these happy moments are going to add up, and from that point moving forward, you will be happy to be alive.
You’ve come a long way so far, and you’ll continue to travel. It won’t always be as quickly as you’d like, but please remember; it does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop.